The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
