who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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