If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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