GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
