Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
