I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
