when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
