My balls are so social today.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
