So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
