it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
