I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
