I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
