how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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