So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
