We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
