You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
