1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
