its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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