i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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