would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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