I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In other news, I just burned my penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
