She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
