I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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