Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
