I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
