He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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