i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
