it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
