I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
