I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
