Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
