he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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