Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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