Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
