It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
