Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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