Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
