I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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