weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
try to milk me bitch
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