So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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