I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
