Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
