i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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