I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
