so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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