College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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