i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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