put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
