I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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