She said her name was "party"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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