sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found the puke drawer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
