I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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