I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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